as & when…

this is rather embarassing… all these while i have been asking him if he will be upset if i were to leave him, and he always say of course he will… and he said that he canot survive without me…clearly, i have been duped… i tot reverse physchology will work but no… normally when i talk to him, he will ignore my existence… so, i tried the same to him just now, and it did not bother him one bit… all he just did was to talk to the other guy…. wat the fuck…

then i thought he was busy doing work, but it turns out, he was actually talking to her…. the other her… he was being flirty with her….! double fuck… he pretended to be upset… wat the hell… and he’s telling me, he just wants to be friends… gosh, how can i be so naive? how can i be so gullible to his words…

and why is that these men always lie to me…. what kind of a human are they? what kind of a human is he? and i have been putting in so much effort for the past 6 years… it was actually for nothing… he cheated me…. i hate him….

damn it… i was so not expecting something there.. i mean, seriously, i was hoping that it will not show the number and yet,it appears on two occasion….both at 9+pm… it’s seriously rather annoying… hurtful… 4 messages continuously…and 3 calls the next morning… what the… he said it was during the game… for the game.. but does he need to call her continuously for 3 times at 6+??? and i had the “honour” of waking him up tat morning…

it’s just sucky to “feel” like as though i woke him up is just so that he can wake her up.. what the ….and his concern for her seems rather too much… making sure that she was awake for the game, then making sure that she will be going, then making sure of how she’s gonna be going…. is it necessary to do all these for somebody that he just wants to “berkawan sahaja”?

messages at 9+ pm…. man, seriously… and the game… so many messages the nite before, calls on the day itself… and the attention… the most “loyal” attentions provided during the game itself… i feel like kicking him in the balls…

and they have the nerve to say that women are too sensitive….. it’s all their doing isn’t it? they behave suspiciously and of course we will retaliate in giving them our “opinion”!! aarrrggghhhh!!!! irritating!  ughh…. and he dares to say it’s nothing…. i have not seen him so concern about my “attendance” before…

he needs to learn a lesson…..

it was rather recent, that everything was just nice… and here comes along a “person” to have it all gone again…it was nice to have someone so love u….. it’s really hard to see it all gone in a day… all his stupid attentions during the game was really hurtful… “nothing going on” he says and yet, he was by her side the whole entire time…y is the women he is attracted to are all the same? those that knows how to treat a man right… wat the…. i seriously would love to know, to wat extent is his so called love for me… it’s definitely clear about the “dont call me part”…the “stay away” gesture is pretty obvious..”me first and for the best” will always be practiced…. hmm… seems like i am no where even near the “we are good friends” stand…. i am just a carpet to be stepped on, and changed when in comes a new one…

typical women he likes… gosh…i should have seen it c0ming.. it’s pretty stupid of me not to notice it the second time…so typical.. all started out being like “that”.. then moving on to the “tears” and the “pitiful” looks… and here comes him as the damn hero to save the day…. wat the….

it’s pretty sucky for things to happen as they do..and for me not to react towards it…i mean, how can i not feel anything, and pretend that everything is as it is, if i know that the person is like always “there”? he always attracts the trouble to himself, all under the pretence of being “friends” only… it’s fucking irritating to me, cause i have been patient for 6 years, all in the name of love… disrespectful to me… wat the hell….

i told him already, if he gives the access, there’s bound to be more contact.. and it did happened… first, under the cover of work, now, getting a little bit more casual.. then wat next?? personal and wat else?!!! it’s fucking hard to get us to where we are now… and yet, he’s not appreciating it! y is it that i feel like he’s just “layaning” me now? what happened to all the “my other half”, “let’s get married”, “can’t stand another day without seeing u” etc…? all bullshit… he doesn’t seem to appreciate the fact that it wasn’t easy getting to here… to now… of course, how can i forget, it was never his intention in the first to get to where we are now.. he never wanted it isn’t it… no wonder he doesn’t appreciate it… 

a little attention from the ladies, and he’s all gung-ho… wat the hell… so fucking pissed off with him… i am sure that her questions were pretty normal, but i can bet that his fucking reply would be an invitation to her to talk more… maybe a simple question of “eh, u are at work today?” might get a reply like “of course i am, to help u in anything that u need”…. such a show of gentlemanliness is so not required….

y can’t he just learn? doesn’t he understand how hurtful it is to have ur heart disappointed, again and again? i have seen him hurt…. and i tot it will be a lesson for him to learn… but now, i wonder if he has forgotten it…

please lah… don hurt others.. ass…

it all began on friday (26.09.2008), we were told that the testing will continue in Penang…considering it’s the festivals the week after, i decided not to go.. i mean, i could support from KL, which is wayyyy better than alone in Penang! but at 4.15pm, my sifu said to go and support in Penang..shit!shit!shit! called the Koop to get the flight tickets for 2… yup, brought him along… actually, it was more like, decided to go cause he agreed to go.. poor thing, he has no time to prepare for the festivals…

got a nice ’sounding’ from the Koop dude! hehehe said i called abit late.. it was rather crazy man! i couldn’t really think! all i wanted was to make sure there were flights coming back to KL on tuesday… thank goodness there was! BUTTT, the next question was, how was i suppose to collect the flight tickets?! it was alredi 4.30pm and they close at 5.15pm; i was in PJ, the office was in Bangsar…die again, the dude said the Fed highway alredi started to jam…was seriously thinking of speeding down, but he gave an alternative; via email! thank goodness for www technology! learn a few things that day… can check in using email verification and we can book personal flight tickets from Koop! really thanks to the dude, he was so helpful! called me back to make sure that i got the email and manage to print it out! it’s so hard to find helpful ppl in KL nowadays…so, flight settled, we forgot about accomodation! thank goodness got rooms at sunway hotel! settle…

saturday was a rather hectic affair…i came to work in the mornings.. lucky thing there were ppl around…then went for facial at 11.30am…slept rather soundly during the massage…heh, tat’s how tired i was! then went down to cheras for lunch and help him shift… sweating like a pig the whole time and i was in jeans! worst part was, after facial, they put tat moisturizer thingy which was so oily! so uncomfortable and sweating some more! aiyoh…

then at about 4+, i went back to office again to settle a little tiny error…it was rather freaky cause i was alone this time around and the aircond was off.. i kept imagining that i can hear footsteps..quickly did the damn thing and went off…. took my parents to carrefour after that…. shop till i drop! went home 9+ and almost collapsed! slept all the way to sunday mid morning!

i think i will write down the trip in another post..i wanna savour every memory of it…heh…